Garbage Disposal

Sayang-Sayang Slalu!!!
didn't know how to start writing after a while i haven't visit this page. i guess writing is still within my passion and so called honed skill but neglecting it has been a nuisance.

I've deleted (more like deactivated) my facebook and account and PlanetRomeo account. at first i question myself on why i did such fickle action when i'm usually not that easy to be messed with. i've always thought that i have a very solid state of mind and well equip knowledge on how to handle heartbreaks and pain. i guess i was wrong. being knowledgeable on the pains doesn't necessarily makes it go away. in fact it becomes much more painful and difficult to bear with since you're contradicting logic with your emotions. \par

i know by the time i finish writing this stupid post, i wouldn't understand a single thing i wrote, but at least i'm glad that i've written it. it all started with my bestfriend. Lets just name him ermmm... Joe. i've been close with him for about a year now. neverthought i could be close with him like this since i hated him soooo damn much for him being such an ass. literally! but i wouldn't meddle much on how i got close with him. i just need to tell that i have a bestie since my pain started from there.


you see, Joe has a boyfriend already and they're quite happy with each other. But I know Joe very well to the extend that he couldn't stay away from trouble for long. during that particular period of time, and while still attached himself with his boyfriend, he met a guy named Jack. Jack is just and average guy. nothing fancy about him. just a plain ex-teacher who is about to fall in love with the wrong guy and regret it for the rest of his life.


That particular fling went on for about a few months until Jack couldn't take it anymore since he knew all this while Joe has a boyfriend and refuses to let him go. A few episodes of drama screened and unfortunately some of it, i directed them myself. Being in control at that time, i knew what will be the consequence later on. But i choose to ignore them.


to cut the story short, they had a bad break up. I mean really bad. well one thing i forgot to mention to you guys was that i REALLY liked Jack since the beginning of time (more like since i met him). But i didn't have the courage to tell him and further more, Joe had his leash over Jacks' neck during that period of time. But after the breakup, Jack contacted me for advice and consolation. I knew i shouldn't go for it, but i just let my guard down and true enough, i fell in love with him.


He kept on calling me every day. we wouldn't miss a voice for at least a few hours. it was heaven and blissful at that time. everything just seems so right. nothing could possibly went wrong. but it did went wrong. terribly wrong. I confessed to him that i liked him and... ermmm... lets just say that the answer wasn't to my liking and all. felt like i've been dumped a gazillion times and i knew this wound won't heal that quickly.



Right after that i decided to delete my facebook and PR since i think i want to cool off from contacting any PLU's out there. i'm not saying that they're bad or anything. i didn't hold any grudge or hate. I just need to learn how to appreciate more. I need to learn how to appreciate on the little things. i used to tell myself that i have to be grateful on everything... even the little things. but my lips doesn't sync with my heart. it didn't feel right.

i hope after my disappearance in the cyberworld would make me think deeply on my current relationship with myself. i guess majority principles still stick. "learn to love your self before you can love others"

I wonder if i can make it or not...